What in a relationship is important to you? What do you bring to the table? We've all probably asked this of ourselves or our partners at least a few times. It's often easy to feel inadequate and unloved. It's also easy to be disappointed and feel betrayed when we don't get what we want from our partners. So how do we avoid this heartbreak and headache? The first step is to establish goals. What do you want from a relationship, and how can you contribute? For a relationship to work, each member has to give 100%, despite the old "50-50" adage. This often doesn't work. It's often best to write and visualize what it is you want. Consider these factors and rate them in order of importance, and you'll be on the right track.
Looks and Attraction
They say that looks aren't everything, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So what does beauty mean to you? How do you define attraction? You must be attracted to your partner, but you must decide what that means. Looks alone are never going to be enough. We have to establish how we define attraction. What about personality, or how you are generally treated in the relationship? It's important to establish your expectations and make them clear from the beginning. Neither of you will have looks that last forever, but what can last forever is attraction. That must be the priority.
Money and Education
Should money and education be a factor you consider in developing a relationship? The answer really is both "yes" and "no," as they can be a priority for some. It's natural to want to know you are with a partner who can help you along with the bills and help propel you towards your goals. However, money alone doesn't and can't define the quality of a relationship. What matter are two things:
- Are you with a stable partner who knows what they want from life?
- Are you going to be walking down a similar path?
One of the most important things in a relationship is to be able to speak one another's love languages. Gary Chapman coined this concept in his famous book, and to this day, couples have been enamored with this concept. When your partner fails to speak your love language, it can be easy to fall out of love. You'll feel alone, neglected, and even rejected. You don't necessarily have to have the same love language as your significant other, but the two of you must understand each other. To determine what makes a relationship work or what you want in a partner, it's important to know your love language. Is it gifts, physical touch, or words of affirmation? Sometimes it's a little bit of everything, but it's vital to be able to "speak the same language."
Personality and Interests
You will often find in relationships that it helps to have the same personality and interests. Mostly, you want to be on the same wavelength and be able to have fun together. Different interests are not necessarily a dealbreaker, however. Often if the relationship works, you begin to adopt each other's interests. What's important, though, is you see eye to eye and have those positive vibes.
Goals are important in deciding what you want from that special someone and how you can work together. Do you want kids? How about a career? If you don't see eye to eye on your goals and establish them early, it will lead to tension down the road. Relationships can be seen as a journey. It's never going to work if you're going down opposite paths.
What do you want, and what can you offer?
The truth is many factors go into determining if a relationship works. What matters most is that you want the same thing in life and are willing to commit. If the above factors add up, the relationship will work and last. If not. It may be time to move. So what do you bring to the table, and what do they bring? The most important factors are love and commitment.
Article Written By David Beaver for People On Dating
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Just a conversation, No judgement